Nolan Ryan’s Cold:
“Cold? You liver-lillied idiots. I wasn’t cold. Hell, you wouldn’t know cold if it ran up to you and snapped off your dick. Not that you have one, you toad-faced garden squire.
Sure, I had my jacket and hat on, but that was only so no one saw how much Grade-A Nolan Ryan Prime Rib I’d snuck onto the premises. Bet you’ve never even wrestled a cow over a bartab, huh? City boy.
You wanna see cold, how about you see my wife after I tell her she’s acting like her mother. Honey? Hey, honey, come on, I’m just joking with the guys. C’mere, I didn’t mean it.
Thanks a lot. I’m gonna sock you in the nose next time you get me all riled up like this. Asshat.”
(image via Mocksession, @Tepper, h/t Rob Neyer)